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Black Girls' Guide to Self Care

Amber LaFrance

Photo credit: https://www.instagram.com/dazhaneleah/

This year has already taken a toll on so many people — from COVID-19, to stay at home orders & quarantine, to the anxiety of the world opening back up, & now to racial injustices continuously happening at an alarming rate. This isn’t anything new, but racism & police brutality has really come to light recently after the tragic murder of George Floyd. The constant news of innocent Black men & women being killed, companies showing their true colors regarding the movement, & non-supportive friends has the Black community tired. Especially during this COVID-19 season, it feels like there’s no escape to this reality & it’s taking a toll on many people — especially Black women. It’s important to check in on yourself & others, detach from social media, & create a self care routine.

We’ve interviewed 4 Black girl bosses to check-in with them, & to see how they are taking care of themselves during this time. From left to right:

Mental Check! How have you been feeling?

Dajai: My emotions range from sadness to anger, confusion to weary, fired up to empowered, yet hopeful for change! Being an activist has its challenges because everyone expects you to be strong at every event when sometimes we need a mental break.

Leah: I'll be honest, I have my good days & I have my down days in the midst of everything that is going on socially & politically right now. I'm overall pretty optimistic with respect to my business & to changes that I would like to see within my city. I have an insurmountable amount of responsibility on my shoulders right now as it pertains to the advancement for the city of Dallas, my industry & to my clients — all of these combined can be incredibly exhausting, but I know that I can pull through.

Shanta: Honestly speaking, today is a good day — I've been in a good space recently. At the start of the shelter in place, I experienced tons of anxiety & felt overwhelmed with so many changes happening at once. As we got deeper into the year, I started to shift my thinking to help me remain hopeful & motivated. So I am in a good head space & am staying optimistic.

Beverly: My over all mental for the past month or two has been very up & down. Being a black woman, the Black Lives Matter movement brings up several emotions for me — sadness, anger, hurt, confusion, & disbelief. It is all very overwhelming; however, I have still been doing my part to support my community through protests, events, petitions & social media awareness. It is very hard coping with the excessive amount of hate, violence & racism that my community receives for no reason. I truly hate it & its heartbreaking. I have been doing my best to be as optimistic as I can be while taking care of myself & others around me. I am just doing my best to remain as sane as possible.

What does self care look like to you?

Dajai: My self care routine is to unplug from all social media platforms as most of the information we’re aware of comes from social media, then we research it. I also focus on things that will increase mental peace. For me, that’s taking a walk, listening to music, read, or unwind with wine. I think mental peace is the start of self care. 

Leah: Self care means creating boundaries, setting aside time for you & only you, or with family. Self care is really putting my health & wellness above everything else that may be going on in the world. If I'm not operating at my best, then I'm not good for anyone — not even myself. I'm not the best at putting me first due to all of the responsibilities that I have in running a business & as a leader within the community; however, I try weekly to do better at setting aside time & activities that are designed just for me.

Shanta: For me self care is more internal than it is external — it's less focused on the manicures & massages, & more on recharging my energy, my spirit, & connecting with myself again. So it's more alone time, no TV, listening to a bomb playlist, reading a good book, journaling, or doing things that make my soul happy — like having a good discussion with a friend, or taking care of my plants.

Beverly: Self care for me is always doing the small things that bring me immediate gratification & happiness. Some of those things are face masks, watching my favorite shows, reading, listening to music, watching YouTube videos, & doing my makeup. I feel it is essential to do the little things to keep my spirits high. Self care is also making sure my hygiene is top notch — including my hair & skin routine. Keeping my physical health in check is important as well. I make sure I work out at least five days a week & eat as healthy as I can. Staying productive working on my business & content makes me feel motivated & progressive. Self care is making sure I am satisfied in all aspects of my life.

What is your go-to activity to do to unwind & relax?

Dajai: My first pick as a go-to activity would be grabbing a bottle of wine, turning on relaxing music, usually Neo soul or R&B, & relax. I love to read — that calms me when I’m stressed, so that will definitely be my second choice. 

Leah: I love taking long baths. I make it an experience. LOL — Bath bombs, oils, salts, wine, music, bath pillow, the whole nine!

Shanta: My go to activity is music, candles, wine, & doing mindless activities like scrolling social media, playing a game on my phone, or watching my latest obsession Tik Tok.

Beverly: My favorite way to relax is meditation. I started meditating daily last summer. It is so calming, while letting me work through my emotions & thoughts in a healthy space. I recommend mediation to everyone, especially those who suffer from depression/anxiety. A nice glass of wine is always a great way to just sit back & chill. Wine plus music is a match made in heaven.

How has social media affected you during these times? Is it more helpful or draining?

Dajai: I believe it’s affected me both ways. It’s draining as it’s an outlet for many people to express their emotions about current situations which can be overwhelming, but it’s also been helpful. In ways, that allows people to find resources during this time & organizations to join, plus many more things. It’s also educating people on things they didn’t know much about. 

Leah: Social media is both helpful & draining. It helps because it keeps me in the know as to what's going on in the world in real time; however, too much negative info is not good for anyone. There are times that I step away — or just post what I need to post & move on about my day. Additionally, with everything going on within the Black Lives Matter movement & being a black woman, it's completely devastating to see videos, photos, & images of police brutality against Black men & women. When Ahmaud Arbery was murdered, I forced myself to watch the video because I didn't want to shield myself from the truth anymore — I needed to see the reality of being Black in America, outside of what I already know from personal experiences & history. With George Floyd, I saw the images of him being murdered & that was enough. I still haven't watched the video & I'm not sure that I will. Mentally, I'm exhausted & over consumption of these murders is depressing.

Shanta: I have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love it for all that it does from entertaining me, educating me, or keeping me informed. But, I also hate it for similar reasons — constantly being inundated with videos of my people being murdered, reminders of racism, or Instagram bullies telling you what you should or should not be doing with your life. So it can be draining, but you have to set those boundaries. When I begin to feel like social media is exhausting I log off for a few days, I do other things when I get the urge to log on, & those days are amazing — & when I feel that I am ready to re-engage, I do so. Boundaries are extremely important now. 

Beverly: Just like most things, social media has its positives & negatives. It makes me hopeful to see a great number of people on social media fighting against injustice in many ways. There is so much helpful information regarding Black Lives Matter floating around on the Internet for those to learn about. The power of social media is great. It’s allowing people to find petitions, events, ways to help change laws & more. The most upsetting part of social media is seeing videos, pictures, & stories almost everyday of Black people being discriminated against, hurt or murdered. Even before George Floyd, almost every day I saw a story on Twitter about Black people being treated inhumane. You see videos from White people calling the police on Black people for no reason, to the sad murder of Breonna Taylor. I’m glad social media is exposing this, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch and see.

Has your business/work changed in any way during these past few weeks due to the Black Lives Matter Movement?

Dajai: My platform has progressed so much! I’ve networked with so many businesses & people around Dallas during this time. I’ve created genuine relationships with people I’ve met at rallies & protests that I probably would not have met otherwise. My marketing team has also networked with top teams in Dallas & we’ve built professional relationships with them! Stay tuned for upcoming projects and new content!

Leah: Yes, being in communications, marketing & a community leader, I've been busier than ever. I've been assisting agencies with DEI initiatives, assisting companies with marketing messages, speaking at protests & more. I'm incredibly tired, but wouldn't have it any other way — especially if it helps the next generation coming after me to have a better way of life.

Shanta: Yes, my workload has increased due to the BLM movement. As a therapist, my services were in high demand because we are all trying to figure out how to deal with this new normal. There has been an increase in self-work with many of my clients because of the shelter in place order, the work from home changes, loss of jobs, & the shutting down of the city forced individuals to face themselves. There are no distractions, there is nothing taking you away from dealing with yourself. That is hard to deal with along with racism, COVID-19, & self-quarantine away from family & friends. So a lot of self-healing has been happening, & I can't say I'm mad at it. 

Beverly: My business, NeoCurly, has gained a lot more customers during this time! Many people & pages on social media have been highlighting Black owned companies. My brand has been shared by many people which has led to greater sales, support, & believers. I am very grateful for every single person that has shown love to NeoCurly; whether it has been sharing our posts, retweeting, buying or leaving reviews. The Black community has been nothing but amazing during this time.

What advice would you give to the Black community right now?

Dajai: My advice to the Black community would be to research & learn as much as possible about things that could help us make a change. Educate ourselves and others about voting & how to vote, get involved in the community & learn how to make a change in the community. Also to remain positive & hopeful through all of the current events as our ancestors poured strength & courage into us long before we were born. Our fight is not over & our voices will not be silenced. 

Leah: My advice would be to stay strong, stay resilient, keep fighting & to keep applying pressure. We have a long ways to go, but progress can & will be made. One thing that we know how to do again & again is overcome — & we do it so powerfully & so beautifully. I love being Black, our culture, & us.

Shanta: To be mindful of your mental health. It's more important than ever. There is a revolution happening for the Black community right now & I want us to make sure we are healthy for the second half of this fight. So making sure you are taking care of yourself, resting when you need to, & using necessary resources like therapy to help manage your mental health. We have to remember to take care of us — if we aren't good, we won't be good for the movement.

Beverly: Black community please keep fighting hard, do not give up. Continue to inform others, protests, buy black owned, & use your voice. This fight will not be an easy & quick one, but we can not divide. We have to remain together; this our lives. While fighting, do not forget to take care of yourselves physically & mentally. Everyone needs to be their best selves to remain healthy and sane.


Please take care of yourself. Click the links below for additional self care resources: